Soft Nudge

Over the Moon About Palau

Aug 29, 2025

It's Soft Nudge Friday...with medicine you need that you didn't know you needed.

If you’ve followed my writing for any amount of time you’ve likely noticed that I write for the feminine that exists in each of us — the intuitive, feeling-based, Nature-lover within. I also live in gentle Hawaii, which often informs my point of view. Imagine my delight, then, when I learned that the island of Palau, where I’m visiting this week, is both matrilineal and matriarchal!

What is a Matrilineal Culture?

A matriline is a line of descent from a female ancestor through successive daughters. This lineage creates clan membership, with women as the anchors of governance.

In a matrilineal culture, women are the lineage keepers, holders of property and money. Society itself is organized around women’s values.

Where Women Gather & Govern

One of the first stops we visited in Palau was the community center where the queen hosts an annual women’s-only gathering in a wood structure called a Bai. The Bai’s entrance often depicts a painting of a woman spreading her legs — the portal you enter through.

But before you can enter, the Queen has everyone take off their shoes and stomp around in the taro fields first. They get dirty and “talk story” together (as we say in Hawaii). This is intentional. Everyone arrives to the discussion at the same level — dirty, hot, and familiar.

Only then do you enter the yoni-portal of the Bai. Inside, it felt like the hull of a great wooden ship, with hearths for cooking fires.

As it was explained to me: each female leader has her own area to sit, and a place to store her bedding. Everyone (including the Queen) is placed at an equal sitting level, and no singular woman outshines another in headdress or jewelry. This is a living statement of equality and harmony: no one person “above” any other.

Once settled, women discuss important issues of the time and make decisions. (Men also meet in their own bai, though in Palau’s matriarchal culture, women are primary drivers of governance.)

The values behind governing, and everyday life, were made clear: balance among people, harmony with Mother Nature, and deep respect for women

Over the Moon About Palau

Are you in love with Palau yet?

I think my heart has jumped out of my chest and landed here. I wondered: why was I not born here? Then came the thought: maybe I was, in another lifetime.

After all, when John invited me to go on this trip (and he invites me on many), I knew nothing about the place. But I intuitively knew I had to come. I rarely say yes to travel anymore, but for this invitation, my body spoke first: a wave of joy rushed through my solar plexus.

That’s a big YES.

After our visit to the Bai, I opened my astrology-mapping software.

Lo and behold, I have two lunar (Moon) crossings passing through Palau, one with the south node, and the other with Pluto. In astro-mapping, nodal lines often indicate past-life connections, while Pluto–Moon contacts stir deep, steadfast ties to a place. The Moon rules the feminine.

The State of Our Nation (the US)

We’re in Palau because of John’s work with the University of Hawaii in healthcare. Hawaii has promised to care for and protect surrounding islands, and despite being in high demand, John wants to make good on this (one of many things I admire about him).

Yet what is happening in the US — the defunding of health care, medical research, and education, and the dismantling of opportunities for underprivileged people — is felt here in Palau. Academic study and scientific progress are collaborative, global efforts. One cut sets off a chain reaction.

In Hawaii we experience this too, but in Palau the effects are sharper. When the only machine for detecting cancer breaks and isn’t replaced due to funding cuts, the entire population feels it. No early detection means a loss of lives.

Is a Matriarchal Culture the Missing Piece?

Being here is a privilege, and what we’ve learned will stay with us.

It’s caused me to ask: what would it be like to live in a matriarchal culture?

Honestly, I didn’t know these societies still existed. I do know patriarchy — I know what happens when power, ego, status, and greed dominate. I know what happens when profit is chosen over Mother Nature.

In a feminine-ruled society, this would never happen — because these are not women’s values.

The respect for women here is palpable. John, who has now met many locals, noticed that women carry themselves with greater authority, power, and calm presence than he is used to seeing — and are treated as such. Our guide reinforced this, saying: “Here, the men live to serve the women.” He wasn’t joking.

A few humble observations: in this society, where women hold power, nature is honored. Every part of a plant or animal is used. Plant medicines support everyday healing. Jewelry — beads, passed from birth to marriage to death — accrues value through story and memory, not newness.

These are feminine values. And they are missing in the US.

Soft Nudge Closing

Being here in Palau has reminded me of something simple yet profound: values shape reality. When balance, respect, and care for nature are at the center, a culture flourishes. When greed and hierarchy dominate, everything tips out of alignment.

I can’t help but wonder — what would our own lives, our own communities, feel like if we led with these feminine values? What if honoring the body, listening to intuition, and respecting the rhythms of nature guided our daily choices?

Your Soft Nudge Invitation: This weekend, try leading with one of these values — harmony, balance, or respect for your own body and nature. Notice how it feels to let that principle guide a choice, however small. 🌙