This is such a GREAT article, Jessica! My story is that I had a "Best Friend" for years and she told everyone I was her best friend. She would "celebrate" my achievements if it made her look good to brag about me, but she would give me this subtle "something" that just felt so horrible and made me feel so inadequate. It was so subtle I would always gloss over it thinking that she just wanted the best for me and wanted me to shine brighter.
Here and there, others would say "She's jealous of you." and I would say "No way! She's so successful, so charismatic, of course not." Long story short, some things happened, I started connecting less and less as I lost resonance, and sure enough, looking back over those 10 years or so it was SO obvious, yet I totally missed it in the moment.
Wow Alice! Thank you for sharing your story! Same here. I think bc *not supporting others* is sooo foreign to me that it has been hard for me to track. Naming those feelings that arise in the presence of certain people- chronic inadequacy, self doubt, anxiety- is so key!
Plus I think as women we easily say ‘it must be me and my confidence issues.’ Yet as I’ve been discovering over the years- I’m pretty damn secure and confident! It’s what I’m feeling around me that is creating that.
Jessica - how do you keep tackling issues that so deeply resonate with me?! Inexplicable to me but sooo very comforting & helpful. Especially loved this article because you mentioned Erica. You both are examples of very accomplished amazing women who lift people up! I’ve personally seen how supportive both of you are to others & that it is why it is gobsmacking to me that anyone could intentionally try to make you feel less than & hurt you to make themselves feel better but there it is - the plain truth that this happens probably more than you know. I’ve seen it happen from males as well…. Anyway - love ya & thank you tons for this article. Totally hit the nail on the head, AGAIN!!! Keep those articles coming, please! So happy I subscribed…
Yay, Karen! So glad to hear this resonated with you. I’m hearing -from other women- that it IS more common than we might imagine. Much love. (And thank you for celebrating Erica and I!)🙏😊🤗
In the last few years, I've managed to find a wonderful group of supportive, kind female friends, and it's such a fun, empowering thing. Female bonds are magical. And they're all the more precious to me because female jealousy and unhealthy competition has had a debilitating impact on my life at times. I grew up with jealous women, and it was so hard to navigate. And even recently, I had a similar experience to your story about learning guitar: I was in a learning environment, and as I started to get beyond a certain level with it, women around me changed towards me and there was shaming, belittling, high school mean girl level comments. The two women doing it were in the coaching/leadership positions, and, like every time this happens, I was shocked, confused, hurt, disbelieving my own experience, and a host of feelings like that. I politely confronted the situation, and left the environment. (A balance of wanting to stand up for myself, and also not engage with it) I feel huge relief being out of that environment. Happily, I have been able to take the lovely female friendships, that I made there, with me.
Wow, what synchronicity about the guitar class! Your ‘mean girls’ phrase also came out of my mouth in my most recent encounter: It was one of the ways I clued myself into the energy, noting that this person has a ‘mean girl’ streak that can show itself. I agree- leave the situation when you can. When you cannot, wow, energy tools help! Thank you so much for sharing, here, friend. I consider you one of my empowering female friendships ❤️
That's a really valid point. It's important to have tools in place for not taking on the energy when it's a situation you can't just walk away from. I'm so glad you brought up this subject in such a positive, meaningful way. And 100%, I also consider you one of my empowering female friendships too! ❤️
This is such a GREAT article, Jessica! My story is that I had a "Best Friend" for years and she told everyone I was her best friend. She would "celebrate" my achievements if it made her look good to brag about me, but she would give me this subtle "something" that just felt so horrible and made me feel so inadequate. It was so subtle I would always gloss over it thinking that she just wanted the best for me and wanted me to shine brighter.
Here and there, others would say "She's jealous of you." and I would say "No way! She's so successful, so charismatic, of course not." Long story short, some things happened, I started connecting less and less as I lost resonance, and sure enough, looking back over those 10 years or so it was SO obvious, yet I totally missed it in the moment.
Great writing, as always!
Wow Alice! Thank you for sharing your story! Same here. I think bc *not supporting others* is sooo foreign to me that it has been hard for me to track. Naming those feelings that arise in the presence of certain people- chronic inadequacy, self doubt, anxiety- is so key!
Plus I think as women we easily say ‘it must be me and my confidence issues.’ Yet as I’ve been discovering over the years- I’m pretty damn secure and confident! It’s what I’m feeling around me that is creating that.
Love you!!!😘
The way you brought this topic to life is just sooooo enlightening. I learned so much in this read!
Thank you for sharing your story! I am so lucky to be able to learn from Jessica, you, & other wonderfully talented accomplished women!
Jessica - how do you keep tackling issues that so deeply resonate with me?! Inexplicable to me but sooo very comforting & helpful. Especially loved this article because you mentioned Erica. You both are examples of very accomplished amazing women who lift people up! I’ve personally seen how supportive both of you are to others & that it is why it is gobsmacking to me that anyone could intentionally try to make you feel less than & hurt you to make themselves feel better but there it is - the plain truth that this happens probably more than you know. I’ve seen it happen from males as well…. Anyway - love ya & thank you tons for this article. Totally hit the nail on the head, AGAIN!!! Keep those articles coming, please! So happy I subscribed…
Yay, Karen! So glad to hear this resonated with you. I’m hearing -from other women- that it IS more common than we might imagine. Much love. (And thank you for celebrating Erica and I!)🙏😊🤗
In the last few years, I've managed to find a wonderful group of supportive, kind female friends, and it's such a fun, empowering thing. Female bonds are magical. And they're all the more precious to me because female jealousy and unhealthy competition has had a debilitating impact on my life at times. I grew up with jealous women, and it was so hard to navigate. And even recently, I had a similar experience to your story about learning guitar: I was in a learning environment, and as I started to get beyond a certain level with it, women around me changed towards me and there was shaming, belittling, high school mean girl level comments. The two women doing it were in the coaching/leadership positions, and, like every time this happens, I was shocked, confused, hurt, disbelieving my own experience, and a host of feelings like that. I politely confronted the situation, and left the environment. (A balance of wanting to stand up for myself, and also not engage with it) I feel huge relief being out of that environment. Happily, I have been able to take the lovely female friendships, that I made there, with me.
Wow, what synchronicity about the guitar class! Your ‘mean girls’ phrase also came out of my mouth in my most recent encounter: It was one of the ways I clued myself into the energy, noting that this person has a ‘mean girl’ streak that can show itself. I agree- leave the situation when you can. When you cannot, wow, energy tools help! Thank you so much for sharing, here, friend. I consider you one of my empowering female friendships ❤️
That's a really valid point. It's important to have tools in place for not taking on the energy when it's a situation you can't just walk away from. I'm so glad you brought up this subject in such a positive, meaningful way. And 100%, I also consider you one of my empowering female friendships too! ❤️